Untitled
Lucious’s Locks and Thranduil’s Spa

 Episode 2: Starbucks 

Thranduil sat in his chair cross-legged speaking into his gold iPhone.

“Yes I know this is Starbucks you peasant, I called your damn number. Now shut the hell up and take my order. Jesus. Thank you. Anyways, I want a Green Tea Frappuccino…it’s good for the eyebrows.”

Thranduil shouted across the room at an equally to-good-for-this Luscious who was filing his nails paying no attention to anything Thranduil was doing.

“Lucie, what does your crusty ass want?”

Lucious slowly lifted his eyes. “I’m clearly busy. My nails don’t look better than yours naturally. Ok let’s face it, they do. Oh, and I’ll have some pumpkin juice.” He uttered with a dismissive wave of the hand.

“Excuse you, I’m going to have to put you one hold.” Thranduil sassed into the phone and glared at Lucious. “First of all, this is Starbucks. Fool. Secondly, pumpkin juice is what the first years drink.”

Lucious looked offended. “Excuse you? How dare you question queen Lucie… and I’ll have a skinny latte”

Thranduil rolled his eyes picking up his phone. “Hello? The bitch hung up on me.”

“Maybe she got tired of your bitch voice.” Added Lucious.

Thranduil violently redialed. “Maybe she got tired of your bitch…” He was rudely interrupted. “…yes hello bitch. Yes I know this is Starbucks shut your whore mouth already. I want my green tea frap and a skinny latte.” Thranduil made sure Lucious wasn’t looking and added, “Make sure to use whole milk and also spike it with something strong!”

“This is Starbucks, we don’t serve alcohol.” Said the barista sarcastically.      

Thranduil put a hand to his head. “We have established that this is Bitchbucks and you are the queen. Now when can I expect my god damn order?”

“Actually, this is Starbucks, we don’t deliver.” Came the voice over the phone.

“Jesus H. Christ. You can’t deliver my drink but you can deliver your vagina like it’s a McDonalds drive through. You even have 2 lanes. So tell me, do you personally supply the ketchup along with the mustard? Or is that just a once a month special?” Thranduil hung up the phone. “Lucie hop on the party elk, we are going to Starbucks.”

Lucious disappareted.

“Oh how RUDE! I should pull a Bellatrix and throw something devastating at him next time he does that. Only unlike Dobby, it will be much messier.” Thranduil patted the party elk. “We are much too good for him anyways.”

Thranduil pulled up to Starbucks. Lucious was already there sipping his “skinny” latte while a barista combed his hair.

“You’re late, again.” Said Lucious without looking up.

“So in your menstrual cycle, or are you always this bitchy? Would you like a tampon? Anyways, did you fire everyone?” Thranduil spouted as he effortlessly hopped of his elk.

“Eh,” Lucious mockingly bowed low. “…I saved the honors for you my queen cunt.”

Thranduil pretended to knight Lucious. “Well thank you prince period!” He moved past Lucious and flung open the Starbucks doors. “Welcome to Thrandybucks! You’re all fired!” He snatched his Green Tea Frappuccino. “I’ll take this too!” He voiced grabbing up the tip jar. “Enjoy unemployment! Ta-ta.” Thranduil pranced out of the coffee house. “Let’s go Lucie!”

Lucious began to disapparete.

Thranduil seeing what was about to happen threw his Frappuccino at Lucious just before he disappeared. “That should teach the bitch. Have a nice trip!” 

Lucious’s Locks and Thranduil’s Spa

Episode 1: First Day

 “You’re late” spouted Lucious sitting legs crossed running a brush though his hair.

 “Queen Thrandy is never late, thank you very much.” Responded Thranduil lazily tossing his florescent pink shutter shades on the counter. “…and besides, my elk Ef-fie got into the wine and was hung over this morning. I was forced the walk. The struggle.”

 Luscious finally looked up from his book Fifty Shades of Grey. “Jesus… you’re a wreck!”

 “I know, my ankle is swollen.” Said Thranduil with a flick of his hair.

 “Actually…” Lucious paused to smack his gum, “…I was referring to your face” 

 “Excuse you. Clearly your mother birthed you while standing up. The fall, it must have been desisting. I can only imagine…” Thranduil trailed off.

 “No worries. I guess not all of us are blessed with such a big wand that can perform magic.” Said Lucious emphasizing big. He waved his wand, “sassyous-betchyous” he proclaimed. “Much better, now we can actually see your cheek bones. However, whatever the hell you’re wearing is not fixable with a simple spell” Lucious looking up and down Thranduil in disgust.

 “What the fuck Lucy. First of all, your ‘spell’ did nothing because I am the definition of a sassy betch. Obviously. Secondly my wardrobe is flawless.” Thranduil ran a hand down his body. “…besides all you ever wear is black robes. What are you grieving, the death of your style? And I dare say it’s rubbing of on your pale offspring.”

 Lucious dismissed Thranduil’s words with a flick of his hand and proclaimed, “Speaking of Draco, he sent me a letter. Uhg. Shall we open it and make fun of it together?!”

 “Oh god yes!” exclaimed Thranduil. “These are my favorite.”

Lucious opened the envelope and took out the letter.

Dear Papa,

       FATHER WILL HEAR OF THIS!!! 

                                      -Hugs and butterfly kisses, your Draco

P.S. The potty still frightens me.

P.S.S. Please write back Daddy, I miss you and your flowing locks.

 “I will hear of what?” questioned Lucious.

 Meanwhile Thranduil was dying of laughter. “What the fuck is wrong with your son? I don’t even poop.”

 “How dare you! My son is perfectly……you do have a point” Confessed Lucious.

 “As always.” Replied Thranduil. “Did I mention my son Leggy is perfect? He hasn’t used the potty in over 200 years.”

 “..All this drama has made me tired.” Said Thranduil effortlessly. “Let’s take a selfie!”

#firstday #duckface #toogoodforthis

221tardis:

I adore this

smaug the giant kitty cat! 

I saw the spoiler. i win.
Anonymous

naughty 

culturaltease:

hopelesscomedic:

The feels…

Hey Jonny, is this a spoiler?

i told you to go away.

ringersforever:

Buy The Hobbit & LOTR Items ==> http://bit.ly/JVK7GQ

greatest thing on the internet. 

ringersforever:

Buy The Hobbit & LOTR Items ==> http://bit.ly/JVK7GQ

greatest thing on the internet. 

queefilicious:

my morning routine:

  • wake up 
  1. flawless

No but it’s true.

naughtylokiconfessions:

I ship Loki and Thraunduil

Thranduil is much too fab for loki

naughtylokiconfessions:

I ship Loki and Thraunduil

Thranduil is much too fab for loki

kokoroxkazuki:





Kili x3 I fell in love at first sightOverall he keeps a good attitude and that smile that can light up your day.

Bombur

kokoroxkazuki:

Kili x3 I fell in love at first sight
Overall he keeps a good attitude and that smile that can light up your day.

Bombur