Episode 2: Starbucks
Thranduil sat in his chair cross-legged speaking into his gold iPhone.
“Yes I know this is Starbucks you peasant, I called your damn number. Now shut the hell up and take my order. Jesus. Thank you. Anyways, I want a Green Tea Frappuccino…it’s good for the eyebrows.”
Thranduil shouted across the room at an equally to-good-for-this Luscious who was filing his nails paying no attention to anything Thranduil was doing.
“Lucie, what does your crusty ass want?”
Lucious slowly lifted his eyes. “I’m clearly busy. My nails don’t look better than yours naturally. Ok let’s face it, they do. Oh, and I’ll have some pumpkin juice.” He uttered with a dismissive wave of the hand.
“Excuse you, I’m going to have to put you one hold.” Thranduil sassed into the phone and glared at Lucious. “First of all, this is Starbucks. Fool. Secondly, pumpkin juice is what the first years drink.”
Lucious looked offended. “Excuse you? How dare you question queen Lucie… and I’ll have a skinny latte”
Thranduil rolled his eyes picking up his phone. “Hello? The bitch hung up on me.”
“Maybe she got tired of your bitch voice.” Added Lucious.
Thranduil violently redialed. “Maybe she got tired of your bitch…” He was rudely interrupted. “…yes hello bitch. Yes I know this is Starbucks shut your whore mouth already. I want my green tea frap and a skinny latte.” Thranduil made sure Lucious wasn’t looking and added, “Make sure to use whole milk and also spike it with something strong!”
“This is Starbucks, we don’t serve alcohol.” Said the barista sarcastically.
Thranduil put a hand to his head. “We have established that this is Bitchbucks and you are the queen. Now when can I expect my god damn order?”
“Actually, this is Starbucks, we don’t deliver.” Came the voice over the phone.
“Jesus H. Christ. You can’t deliver my drink but you can deliver your vagina like it’s a McDonalds drive through. You even have 2 lanes. So tell me, do you personally supply the ketchup along with the mustard? Or is that just a once a month special?” Thranduil hung up the phone. “Lucie hop on the party elk, we are going to Starbucks.”
“Oh how RUDE! I should pull a Bellatrix and throw something devastating at him next time he does that. Only unlike Dobby, it will be much messier.” Thranduil patted the party elk. “We are much too good for him anyways.”
Thranduil pulled up to Starbucks. Lucious was already there sipping his “skinny” latte while a barista combed his hair.
“You’re late, again.” Said Lucious without looking up.
“So in your menstrual cycle, or are you always this bitchy? Would you like a tampon? Anyways, did you fire everyone?” Thranduil spouted as he effortlessly hopped of his elk.
“Eh,” Lucious mockingly bowed low. “…I saved the honors for you my queen cunt.”
Thranduil pretended to knight Lucious. “Well thank you prince period!” He moved past Lucious and flung open the Starbucks doors. “Welcome to Thrandybucks! You’re all fired!” He snatched his Green Tea Frappuccino. “I’ll take this too!” He voiced grabbing up the tip jar. “Enjoy unemployment! Ta-ta.” Thranduil pranced out of the coffee house. “Let’s go Lucie!”
Lucious began to disapparete.
Thranduil seeing what was about to happen threw his Frappuccino at Lucious just before he disappeared. “That should teach the bitch. Have a nice trip!”